literature

Exodus of the Shlongites

Deviation Actions

CouncilofGandalf's avatar
Published:
242 Views

Literature Text

Exodus of the Shlongites


Eight thousand years ago, in the Time of Goure, the Shlongites ruled in the east.  Their massive territory stretched for hundreds of miles across the coast.  They were lords of their land and no travelers could pass in their country without making an appropriate sacrifice to The Meat Stick (best possible translation).  These people of Goure, the Shlongites, demanded that one nut be given to The Meat Stick in exchange for free passage.  Most visitors obliged and the removal process was well refined and caused little pain.  In this society the shlong was ever present.  Effigies to The Meat Stick were ubiquitous, some were carved from wood, others were giant obelisks that thrust their stone heads into the sky.  One time a man passed over the sea and arrived at Shlongolia.  He had pulled his one man craft onto the beach when a patrol group approached.
“Attention traveller, fall to your knees and pledge allegiance to the shlong.”  The tired, middle-aged man looked each sentry in the eye and spoke, “My name is Dorfenkiet and I kneel before no man.”  “Arrogant pug, you shall be made to kneel if we must cut off your legs to do so!”  Dorfenkiet barely smiled, “And how do you think you can do that?”  “Simple bastard, we are ten men and you are one.  Submit and you shall not be harmed.  However, if you desire passage through Shlongolia you must sacrifice one of your nuts to The Meat Stick.”  “The Meat Stick?  You wanna see a real meat stick?”  The men were puzzled.  “Do you slander The Meat Stick?  It is an offense punishable by death!”  Suddenly a flap of cloth which covered Dorfenkiet’s crotch lifted and a long, slender rope of flesh launched out towards the men.  It sought out the man who had been speaking and quickly wrapped itself around his neck.  There was an audible crack and the man dropped dead.  The others fled but Dorfenkiet’s apparatus was to quick and too long.  He was able to destroy them all.
Dorfenkiet made his way to the Shlongites’ capital city, Scrotens.  Once there he began showing his strange thing to the citizens.  They were mesmerized by the hypnotic movements of the serpentine organ.  News spread quickly of the incredible Dorfenkiet.  It wasn’t long before he was proclaimed the true god of Shlongolia.  Dorfenkiet called an assembly.  “Listen my people.  This land is not the true land of the Shlongites.  The promised land lies across the sea and I shall lead you there.”  The crowd cheered as he anointed them from his wand.  It would take 14 years for the journey to be complete.  When they finally reached the promised land half of their people had perished.  It was a small price to pay for the paradise that followed.  Four thousand years of prosperity were enjoyed by the Shlongites.  And then, very suddenly, and much to the frustration of prominent archeologists everywhere, the Shlongites vanished.
A new powerful ally emerges.
© 2009 - 2024 CouncilofGandalf
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In