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Exodus of the Shlongites
Eight thousand years ago, in the Time of Goure, the Shlongites ruled in the east. Their massive territory stretched for hundreds of miles across the coast. They were lords of their land and no travelers could pass in their country without making an appropriate sacrifice to The Meat Stick (best possible translation). These people of Goure, the Shlongites, demanded that one nut be given to The Meat Stick in exchange for free passage. Most visitors obliged and the removal process was well refined and caused little pain. In this society the shlong was ever present. Effigies to The Meat Stick were ubiquitous, some were carved from wood, others were giant obelisks that thrust their stone heads into the sky. One time a man passed over the sea and arrived at Shlongolia. He had pulled his one man craft onto the beach when a patrol group approached.
“Attention traveller, fall to your knees and pledge allegiance to the shlong.” The tired, middle-aged man looked each sentry in the eye and spoke, “My name is Dorfenkiet and I kneel before no man.” “Arrogant pug, you shall be made to kneel if we must cut off your legs to do so!” Dorfenkiet barely smiled, “And how do you think you can do that?” “Simple bastard, we are ten men and you are one. Submit and you shall not be harmed. However, if you desire passage through Shlongolia you must sacrifice one of your nuts to The Meat Stick.” “The Meat Stick? You wanna see a real meat stick?” The men were puzzled. “Do you slander The Meat Stick? It is an offense punishable by death!” Suddenly a flap of cloth which covered Dorfenkiet’s crotch lifted and a long, slender rope of flesh launched out towards the men. It sought out the man who had been speaking and quickly wrapped itself around his neck. There was an audible crack and the man dropped dead. The others fled but Dorfenkiet’s apparatus was to quick and too long. He was able to destroy them all.
Dorfenkiet made his way to the Shlongites’ capital city, Scrotens. Once there he began showing his strange thing to the citizens. They were mesmerized by the hypnotic movements of the serpentine organ. News spread quickly of the incredible Dorfenkiet. It wasn’t long before he was proclaimed the true god of Shlongolia. Dorfenkiet called an assembly. “Listen my people. This land is not the true land of the Shlongites. The promised land lies across the sea and I shall lead you there.” The crowd cheered as he anointed them from his wand. It would take 14 years for the journey to be complete. When they finally reached the promised land half of their people had perished. It was a small price to pay for the paradise that followed. Four thousand years of prosperity were enjoyed by the Shlongites. And then, very suddenly, and much to the frustration of prominent archeologists everywhere, the Shlongites vanished.
Eight thousand years ago, in the Time of Goure, the Shlongites ruled in the east. Their massive territory stretched for hundreds of miles across the coast. They were lords of their land and no travelers could pass in their country without making an appropriate sacrifice to The Meat Stick (best possible translation). These people of Goure, the Shlongites, demanded that one nut be given to The Meat Stick in exchange for free passage. Most visitors obliged and the removal process was well refined and caused little pain. In this society the shlong was ever present. Effigies to The Meat Stick were ubiquitous, some were carved from wood, others were giant obelisks that thrust their stone heads into the sky. One time a man passed over the sea and arrived at Shlongolia. He had pulled his one man craft onto the beach when a patrol group approached.
“Attention traveller, fall to your knees and pledge allegiance to the shlong.” The tired, middle-aged man looked each sentry in the eye and spoke, “My name is Dorfenkiet and I kneel before no man.” “Arrogant pug, you shall be made to kneel if we must cut off your legs to do so!” Dorfenkiet barely smiled, “And how do you think you can do that?” “Simple bastard, we are ten men and you are one. Submit and you shall not be harmed. However, if you desire passage through Shlongolia you must sacrifice one of your nuts to The Meat Stick.” “The Meat Stick? You wanna see a real meat stick?” The men were puzzled. “Do you slander The Meat Stick? It is an offense punishable by death!” Suddenly a flap of cloth which covered Dorfenkiet’s crotch lifted and a long, slender rope of flesh launched out towards the men. It sought out the man who had been speaking and quickly wrapped itself around his neck. There was an audible crack and the man dropped dead. The others fled but Dorfenkiet’s apparatus was to quick and too long. He was able to destroy them all.
Dorfenkiet made his way to the Shlongites’ capital city, Scrotens. Once there he began showing his strange thing to the citizens. They were mesmerized by the hypnotic movements of the serpentine organ. News spread quickly of the incredible Dorfenkiet. It wasn’t long before he was proclaimed the true god of Shlongolia. Dorfenkiet called an assembly. “Listen my people. This land is not the true land of the Shlongites. The promised land lies across the sea and I shall lead you there.” The crowd cheered as he anointed them from his wand. It would take 14 years for the journey to be complete. When they finally reached the promised land half of their people had perished. It was a small price to pay for the paradise that followed. Four thousand years of prosperity were enjoyed by the Shlongites. And then, very suddenly, and much to the frustration of prominent archeologists everywhere, the Shlongites vanished.
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Perhaps that was why she found herself nearly an hour late to the group’s latest protest, though doubtless she’d blame something like ‘needing to stop for gas on the way there’. The blonde shifted her sunglasses with a small quirk of her lips, noticing that she was the one in front of the
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Gwen Tennyson walked with a determined step along the dark streets of the industrial district, after having argued with Ben and Kevin during a mission, the tension between them was palpable and the girl had decided to go for a ride. In a dark street she saw a small figure curled up near a dumpster and out of curiosity she approached silently, what she saw left her shocked: a wounded alien puppy trying to heal himself with newspaper sheets taken from the garbage and without hesitation Gwen approached to help him. But Gwen's eyes also saw a frightening image at the end of the alley: a massive, green-skinned, cruel-looking alien wearing metallic armor and clutching a laser gun in his Human hand! Where is the fugitive?" the alien grunted in a hoarse voice, pointing his gun at her. "Who are you talking about?" he asked, trying to gain time and moving away from the wounded puppy to allow him to hide. "Human, tell me where he is" he said unnerved by her response, he tightened his grip on the gun and advanced menacingly towards her. Gwen wasn't unprepared to fight and she raised her hand invoking her defensive magic, creating a glowing shield around her that repelled the gunshot "It's not very smart to point a gun at someone for no good reason, you know? " she said confidently, but the large alien became enraged and launched a sudden attack. Before Gwen could react she was hit by bolas that pinned her arms along her body and making her fall to the ground with a groan of pain due to the force with which they were fired towards her "If you think you can stop that easily, you you're very wrong! I've faced beasts much more dangerous than you" she said proudly but she knew she was a prisoner of the rope bolas, she tried to stand up, but two more bolas were thrown at her, one of them wrapped around her ankles while the other he hit her knees causing her to fall to the ground again. Gwen tried to get up again as the alien approached her "I asked you: where is the fugitive?" he said staring at her intensely "I don't know" the girl replied "And even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you slimy ball of slime" and with a great effort Gwen got up with difficulty, feeling the weight of the bolas that constrained her body but he maintained a proud and resolute look as the alien continued to repeat "I asked you: where is the fugitive?" he said with a voice full of frustration but the girl replied "You know, you have a bad way of asking for things. Maybe you should try some therapy", the alien got even more impatient and fired another bolas with greater force . Gwen was violently thrown backwards, ending up with her back against a metal pole which the bolas wrapped around, blocking her completely "Now answer my questions" the alien growled, approaching menacingly "It seems that you have tied me to this pole.. ... you should work more on communication" he replied with an ironic smile. The alien, increasingly enraged, raised the laser gun threateningly but before he could shoot the small alien from before suddenly appeared distracting him. "The fugitive" turned towards him and started chasing him, firing several lasers in an attempt to hit him, Gwen tried to scream at the cub to run, but the alien interrupted her by firing yet another bolas, the rope ending up in the girl's mouth, wrapping around her jaw and gagging her. Gwen continued to struggle frantically, desperately trying to free herself from the bolas that imprisoned her, she screamed into her improvised gag but all her attempts were in vain, she saw the alien pick up the puppy and carry it away passing right in front of her, her eyes screamed anger "Thanks for the human chat" he said with a contemptuous laugh "But I have to go now" and as he said those words he pointed the laser gun at Gwen, his gaze full of malice as she squirmed and desperately tried to scream, but to no avail . Before the alien could pull the trigger, Kevin jumped behind the alien, starting a frantic fight. The girl watched with wide eyes as she continued to fight against the bolas that were holding her prisoner, the alien managed to stun Kevin with a powerful blow to the head, causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. Gwen continued to squirm with all her strength, screaming into her gag as the alien approached Kevin saying "These humans are annoying." Gwen squirmed as hard as she could and with one last effort, she finally managed to free one hand from the ropes. , took off the bolas that kept her gagged and uttered a magical formula, unleashing a beam of energy so powerful that it made the green alien jump back several meters and then fall to the ground unconscious, with a painful look on his face. Gwen untied the bolas and walked over to Kevin, checking to make sure she was okay, taking her communicator. The Solvers arrived shortly after, taking the stunned alien into custody as Gwen and Kevin drove away in the boy's car. Kevin apologized for not arriving sooner but Gwen smiled sweetly at him and said, "It ended well, that's it." the important thing" the girl held the injured puppy on her lap, without knowing that it was an Appoplexian and that they would have to contact a dangerous alien race not inclined to talk.
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