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Legendarium: K-O

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K.

Kelbark:  A being who reveres the work of the Council of Gandalf.  Peer of Verdibotch.

Kenyan, The:   see Barack Obama

Ketsia:  An attractive girl who is employed by G4S Secure Solutions.

Kevin:  Friend of John.

K-Fed:  A phenomenally famous and talented entertainer who eventually becomes world president.  Husband of Britney Spears.

Killiwick: A lord from the region surrounding Cornet village.  He participates in the battle with Silus Assbag.

Kimberly:  A girl who desires to be subjugated to the will of an alien force, and realizes this dream through mating with Bernard and the Jalarph'rial'cie.

King of Canterbury:  A monarch who aids the Archbishop of Dorshetshamshire until he is offended by an ill-timed bout of flatulence.

Kiramba:   One of the warriors who follows Jagrobar, and dies with him in the battle against Merric.

Konishki:  A homosexual sumo wrestler who is hired by the Council to rape John Brewer.

Kraig:  A man who suffers extreme torture at the hands of Brendin.

Kritz Meacham: A suicide enthusiast who gains fame by killing himself in a spectacular manner.

Kyoko:  A gingko sapling that is impregnated by Hoshi.

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L.

Lame-O:
A homosexual vagrant who is known to consume urine and Drain-o.

Lance:  An Antarctic traveler with a penchant for outdoor masturbation.

Lardo:  A simpleton who finds a dismembered penis in a parking lot.

Larry:  A man killed in an airport restroom by monkeys who are stimulated by errant feces left behind from a careless Sumo wrestler.

Larry:  A dwarf compatriot of Hank Hendleman.  He is blinded by Frankenshlong.

Lauren:  An attractive woman who lives in Santa Monica.  She has a terrifying encounter with a deranged hobo.  Her fate is uncertain.

Lawrence:  An enslaved boy who grows to adore his master.

Leadmoe:  A person who bistonitrites once the switch is flipped from Shorkee.

Legolas:  One of the nine members of the Fellowship of the Ring.  He is a wood-elf from the forest of Mirkwood and a subject of King Thranduil.

Lentrin Skagglemeyer:   A man who leaps into a precipice of infinite depth.  He repeats this action indefinitely as the universe is continually destroyed and renewed.

Leonard:  An assistant of Jerry Falwell.

Lestat de Lioncourt:  An infamous renegade vampire who begins a campaign in which he transforms vast numbers of mentally-challenged humans into vampiric hordes.

Lewis Luvhaug: A popular internet critic who goes by the pseudonym "Linkara."  He has a deep and disturbing reverence for the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

Libitz Fortusestinine:  Unknown.

Linda:  Mother of Ralph, Betsey, and Gerold.  She is killed by Dustin, who is concealed inside a large container of oatmeal that she purchases.

Linda Goolsby:  An irritable and unremarkable woman who becomes the fifth fully-enhanced cyborg in human history after being severely burned in a clothes dryer.  She is later assassinated by unknown assailants.

Linson: A particularly brutal and bloodthirsty soldier who serves the Overlords, offering his total obedience in exchange for special indulgence in committing atrocities during their sieges.

Lisa:  A woman with a throbbing boil on her neck.

Lockdown Lloyd:  A popular professional wrestler who would anally rape his defeated opponents as part of this stage persona.

Logan:  Also known as the Wolverine.  A mutant and soldier with remarkable healing powers.  He is equipped with an adamantium skeleton to augment his natural physical strength.  

Lonnie:  A writer working for the Glenn Beck show.

Lorbat:  A friend of Grista.  He is unable to assist when Grista is accosted by a costumed man.

Lord Destructicus:  A galactic menace who seeks the Galactron Crystal.

Lord of the Chunks, The:  see Franko Rebaduchees.

Lord of the Turds, The:  An imagined deity worshipped by the Fecal Braknosaur.

Lords of Thunder, The: A gathering of potentates who have a habit of dining on live brains.  They capture Edwin Green and consume him, although he returns to life at some point after.

Lorgin: A being who inhabits a land of floating orbs.  He is shot in the scrotum by the Man in Diapers.

Loser: A downcast man who suffers from acne.

Lucy:  One of the three legendary hag sisters who lives in the Green Frog Moss Lagoon of Larnik County, Georgia.  She is the leader of her sisters, Eleanor and Beatrice.

Luke Ventriss:  A bright young student of the 22nd century who becomes enamored of the writings of the Council of Gandalf, and volunteers to travel back in time in order to meet his heroes.  He is intercepted by a traveler from a more distant time that takes the guise of Marc, and then unexpectedly murdered by an unknown alien traveler concealed within John.

Lukifell:  One of the Tryptenthral.

Lunamer:  One of the Tryptenthral.

Lunar Modicast:  A supernatural being or group of supernatural beings that places the Talons of Olstrania in the graves of sacred girls.

Lundo Shithammer: A mighty gully dwarf who rules his marshy kingdom for some time.  After his death, the superstitious reverence of his feces leads to breakthroughs in the understanding of magic on Krynn, and his last surviving turd serves as an integral ingredient in the spell of Ascension cast by High Priestess Elustriel.

Luther Martin Jones:  A convicted murderer and rapist who terrorized the Atlanta area in the 1940's.

Lyle Frische:  A reportedly cruel and sadistic man who is murdered by his wife, Deb.

Lynn Astrow:  Also known as the Demon.  A bloated and deadly creature who exudes malignance from her protected Grotto.  She is eventually slain by Scott Smith.

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M.

MacArthur Evans Grottimer:
  The District Ambassador of the Cultural Ministry of Schaalsburg.  He is a rude man who meets his death at the Laughing Dragon restaurant after offending its owner, Hwang Fan Foom.

Maccain:  Also known as John McCain.  An elderly United States senator who chooses Saa'ra Pah-Lin to be his vice presidential running mate in the 2008 presidential election.

Mad Dog McCree: A sadistic private detective who routinely murders people or subjects them to sexual humiliation.

Mad Dog McCree: An outlaw gunfighter of the Old West, famed for his deadly accuracy.

Malius:  A servant of Renikee Jenkins Barnicleese II.  He is killed by his master when he accidentally kills a slave whom Renikee wanted to torture.

Malloy: A naive young reporter who encounters the Dong and Turdus.

Man in Diapers:  A man wearing diapers who shoots Lorgin for reasons unknown.

Marc, or Mark: One of the three founding members of the Council of Gandalf.  Also known as the Goner.  He has some skill as a digital artist.  Marc has many unlucky encounters during his time with the Council;  he is viciously attacked at a mall by the Ho, sexually assaulted by a transvestite, kidnapped and beaten by unknown assailants, and imprisoned within a magical bong by the Sumo Genie.  Marc currently resides in Tennessee near the site of the Council's formation.  

Margaret:  The lover of Raoul and the daughter of Mssr. Ragborn.

Martin Coagle:  An overweight and outcast student in Gary Bryant's science class.  After taunted by Bryant, he brutally attacks the teacher with hydrochloric acid, leading to catastrophic injuries.

Marty McFly:  A spirited young man from Hill Valley, California, who is acquainted with Doctor Emmett Brown and gets caught up in his time travel experiments.  He is eventually killed by Brown, who blames him for his failures.

Masgotch Pulkinroy:  A landowner who diligently murders those who trespass on his vast property.

Mason:  Older brother of Marc, he had very little knowledge of the Council or its doings.

Master Zhuang: A famous ancient Chinese philosopher known for his poetic sayings.
Matthew:  Younger brother of Gooch.  

Mawzer Gorlock:  A fierce demon who resides in a dimension called Thandar, or the Murge.  He is seemingly aware of the earth and mentions Hwang Fan Foom by name.

Maya Angelou:  A prominent African-American author and poet.

McStraume:  A lord from the region surrounding Cornet village.  He participates in the battle with Silus Assbag.

McWindemere:  A brave nobleman of the Kingdom of Gildering.  He is dismayed at the madness of his friend Wothingshire, and battles valiantly to uncover the truth behind Roguerton's machinations.  Although he defeats Roguerton, he succumbs to despair and dies on his own sword, perhaps accidentally.

Meat Stick:  Phallic god worshiped by the Shlongites prior to the arrival of Dorfenkiet.

Meggy Norman Jeffries:  Resident of Montana who aggressively vandalizes the property of others for unknown reasons.  He is known to use feces and insect larvae in his crimes.  

Melanie:  Wife of Gooch.

Melleck:  A young lord in the region surrounding Cornet village.  He is more kindly and temperate than his friend, Lord Annus..

Melnargaroth:  A friend of Gorn in contemporary times and is believed to be of the same demonic nature, although this is uncertain.

Mentayaties:  A contemporary of Socrofece.

Mephistopholocon:  A soul harvester who guards Shlongenstein's soul while he is imprisoned in the Lower Realms.

Merric:  A mysterious warrior in the spiritual realm.  A skilled swordsman.  He repels and defeats the forces of Jagrobar in a great battle.

Merdecoeur:   A man who introduces Cidney Plimsol to Shlongenstein at the cotillion of Madame Pommedeterre.

Metatron:  A being of pure energy who exists in a timeless dimension beyond human perception.

Metriah Zhanghleshe:  An intelligent aeroponic hive-being that resides in the Upper Neptunian troposphere.  It is composed of particles that once formed the body of John, although both are unaware of this.

Michael Stipe: Lead singer of REM, homosexual.

Michele Bachmann:  Republican Representative of Minnesota's 6th Congressional district.  Her appearance and behavior indicates that she is, or is possessed by, a demonic force.

Midget: A deformed cat burglar who is captured and killed by the Council after he attempts to steal their valuable writings.

Midgets in Blue: Two flying midgets from the land of the Holy People.  They bestow offerings of blunts and vaginal juices to humans that please them.

Midraspore:  Brother of Felzacore and son of Elgethorn.  He is a half-human and half-Sporite hybrid who is discovered by the Sporites and taken to the planet Sporth for training.  He exceeds the Sporites' expectations and becomes the most talented of the Sporite Knights.  He returns to earth to battle Felzacore, and is stranded on Freakers for many years.  After granting forgiveness to Felzacore, he joins his brother on his assigned quest to help heal the ruined earth.  He and Chronorin fight in the battle against Oben Metravie's forces.  He succeeds in slaying Metravie, but has his memories erased shortly thereafter by the release of his energy.

Midnight Duke:  A mysterious figure who is unmasked by Cidney Plimsol and Jebediah Quarkington during their time in the circus of Monsieur Mortenskuld.

Mike Massengill:  A boy who is teased for his embarrassing name.

Mikey:  A seemingly dim-witted and uncouth young man who commits a complex terrorist act for unknown reasons.

Minster of Death:  A being who resides in an unknown dimension accessible only by consuming Juana Stew.  He carries chosen souls to the Chamber of Nox, and ordains them as priests chosen to protect the integrity of the four elements from the Nethermension.

Mitch McConnell:  The senior United States Senator from Kentucky and the current Republican Minority Leader.

Mitras Goloross:  Leader of the Sporite People and head of the Grand Council of Elgethorn.  Father of Solaria.  He is killed in the battle with Oben Metravie when his ship crashes.

Moeshi'titsu: A disillusioned young server who works at the Boo-Rang family owned Spice Emporium and Meat Products Distribution Company.  He deliberately serves the dangerous Zexxa PiishNextro to Thalius Montecloe, knowing that it will likely result in Montecloe's death.

Monica Lewinksy:  A former White House intern and paramour of Bill Clinton.  She becomes the object of Nutsackula Megaballs' affections, although he never meets her in person.

Moonfrog:  A princess of the Chavahos of Nerokee, daughter of a district sage.  She is wedded to Shlongenstein when he assumes the identity of Rahja.  After she discovers his true nature, he abandons her in the desert.  She dies, but is reincarnated as the powerful being called Shaktizar.

Moorgile: A thoughtful and intelligent citizen of Flordoe-Kin.  He travels to Earth in a futile attempt to halt the gluttonous ways of the Woman, but is mutated into a violent feral state by certain elements in the atmosphere.

Monkeydriven:  A random delusion produced by the mind of Jeddelic Shlendo.  He promises to heal Jeddelic, only to reneg on his promise.  Wears a kimono with a pair of vipers as suspenders.

Moradmin Bast:  A high-ranking General serving in the Empire aboard the Death Star.  He is known for his calm and unflappable demeanor.

Mordecus:  An elderly man who becomes a sexual predator under the influence of the drug Viagra.

Mortenskuld:  A famously eccentric ringmaster of a traveling circus.  He briefly employs Cidney Plimsol and Jebediah Quarkington as stage hands during their exile.  He gives Quarkington a black oak staff/rapier as a parting gift.
Mortimus Franklin:  An inventor who creates the Fantastical Analizer, ushering in a new era of anal creativity.

Morwick:  A small mordrigamus who enjoys eating magic seeds because of their hallucinogenic effects.

Mrs. McTubbs:  An obese elementary school teacher who subjects her students to bizarre humiliations.

Mssr. Ragborn:  A bullish capitalist who is the landlord of Margaret and Raoul.  After killing Raoul, he reveals that he is Margaret's long-lost father, and carries her to a wild arboreal world.

Mulio:   One of the warriors who follows Jagrobar, and dies with him in the battle against Merric.

Murth:  A chaplain who adopts the young Endrodgenous Prime, and is frustrated by the boy's inquisitive nature.

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N.

Nadfunk:
The head of Shwagbert's band of dwarves.  He is ritualistically shamed and killed by his fellows for his misbehavior.

Namagooji Brendleprest: Famous hermaphrodite and stage performer, known for engaging in sexual intercourse with audience members.  S/he is brutally raped by Gooch.

Namic:  A powerful being in the spiritual realm who transfers gifts of energy to Arious and his sons.

Namuh:  A wandering man who dedicates his life to pursuing Dog.  Student of Terrafolyn.

Nanpu Ten-Ga Makashi:  A karate master from the Orient.  It is believed that he destroys the Stratus Majora at the cost of his own life in order to assassinate Caractacus Del Gato.

Napolean Bonaparte:  Noted conqueror and emperor of France.

Narex Ortrari:  Member of the Ridion League, a master of technology who sits cocooned in his control center where he observes and assists his comrades.

Ned Grimly:  An outcast man living in Sparta, Tennessee.  Although considered a "boob" by his fellow townspeople, he possesses remarkable scientific prowess.  He creates a radical mutagen that transforms the surface of the entire planet into a biological nightmare, bringing an end to the human race and all other life.   He has a habit of raping cattle.

Neebuilus:  One of the last surviving members of the Forgadgeion Reign who battles Greibus for control of the Universe.  Creator of the Rillar.

Negrah:  An African god of creation worshiped by Doegh and all of his tribe.

Negram:  The first man of negro legend.  He is birthed by Negrah, and colored black at the wish of Nobos.

Negramus Maximus:  The title given to the favored warrior of Doegh and leader of the Berserkers.  A fearsome warrior who wears the Sheath of Negristica in battle.

Negramus Minimus:  The title given to the least-favored member of Doegh's Berserkers, usually the fattest and dullest of the warriors.  The current Minimus is named Goltash, who is defeated and replaced by a Wild Midge.

Negroy: see Jerome Negroy.

Newt Gingrich:  Former Republican Speaker of the House, public enemy of Bill Clinton.  He seems to have knowledge of the Gochisgolic Fulcrum and desires to join with it, a desire that is denied.  

Nhoj:  Thought to be a pseudonym of John.

Niggler: One of the Elves of Vengeance.

Night Source Coalition: A group that struggles for power against the Children of Garchin for control of the Blasted Lands.

Nilmerg:  A gremlin who resists the oppression of Tibboh Milbog and is killed for his disobedience.

Nimoy:  A logical being who is born from the transcendant mind of Shatner, created to be Shatner's equal.

No Doy:  A South Korean boy who is teased for his humorous name.

Nobos:  Son of Negrah, spirit of the night.  He defeats his brother Durkos in combat and thus chooses the color and nature of Negram, the first man.

Noleander:  A beautiful river nymph who is pursued by Jagrobar.  She becomes the lover of Julimojibulabon much to his dismay.

Norax:  A bloated cock who battles Zentrari.

Norbert the Fierce: One of the Elves of Vengeance.

Norbok:  An Eltorinod.  He is exiled in the Illarikian desert by Bekkin for reasons yet unknown and left to die.  He kills and consumes Cleveland Grabbold and the Montgomery family for sustenance.  The incident with the Montgomery family occurred on Earth, though it is not known whether Norbok traveled to Earth before or after the events with Bekkin.

Norgiss:  A gornling who seeks to kill the Gorn, his father.  Brother of Vortrinox.

Noristonai:  A contemporary of Socrofece.

Nutsackula Megaballs:  One of the five holders of a Nexian Crystal.  He is an unkempt youth with delusions of grandeur who narrates an unreliable account of his life in his mind.  He is able to channel his crystal's energy to his testicles, which he then removes and uses as explosive projectiles.  He becomes a rival of Nutsacuala Megaballs due to their similar names.

Nutsacuala Megaballs:  A creature whose body is essentially a large scrotum.  He claims to be descended from a long line of Romanian ring performers.  He acts as a servant to Shlongenstein until he is killed by his master, who flings him into deep space.

Nylls:  An alien race that commicates by exchanging pheromone emissions from stalk-like appendages.  They encounter Frankenshlong in the Grand Agora of Arcturus and relate to him the final fate of Shlongenstein.

Nymf:  A Space Elf and crew member of the Illyriad who appears in the delusions of Ozzleforth.  Sister of Cristafel.

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O.

O'Henry Glock:
  A security guard who is brutally assaulted by a coworker.

Oben Metravie:  Leader of the Ridion League.  He commands an array of crystalline cubes that display great psychedelic power.  He was known in ancient times as Olmetradon.

Odie Norwell:  A teacher at White County High School.  He is familiar with both Billy Waddell and Franky Sunderman.

Odin:  King of the Norse gods.  He assists Zeus in bringing about an end to Edwin Green.

Ogden Ventriss:  Father of Luke Ventriss and pioneer in the field of temporal travel.

Old Man: A wise but short-tempered being encountered by Shiticus, Thunder, and the Goner.  Thought to be one of the many forms of God, he appears differently to each person who views him.

Old Man Yollins:  An elderly man who lives on Grundy Avenue near the home of Margaret and
Raoul.  He is described as having a loud voice.

Oldspunk: One of the dwarf lords of Dwarfheim.  Serves under the authority of the Regent.

One Cunt, The:  A black hole-like astronomical vagina that exists in deep space.  Gorn is confined inside it for a time, but eventually escapes.

Oozing-Asshole: One of the Morlocks who befriends Psilocyber.

Orbiss Noche: An intelligent being discovered in the Galarium Crystal fields of Thentath Villairos-5 by a race called the Chellkrath.  After fleeing the Chellkrath and embarking on a quest of self-discovery, he is found by others and begins to use his remarkable skills to better their existence, eventually constructing a lavish paradise in space.

Orchard Geriton:  A man of refined taste who kills himself by gouging out his own eyes.

Orglunn Raiders:  A group of beings who dwell on an asteroid near Copasetia.  They are captured by Shlongenstein and forced to fight in the Shlongdome.  Their strength allows them to dominate the other captives of Copasetia.

Orgo: An imaginary god created by John; sculpted from feces and the body parts of Marc and Gooch.

Oribald Manticar:  A strange and cruel man who resides over a Plebeian Facet.  His authority is such that he can order the immediate execution of his underlings, and evidence suggests that he does so quite frequently.

Osama bin Laden:  A master fisherman and noted outdoorsman.  He was executed by the United States government because of his involvement with the terrorist group Al-Queda.

Oskar Butterman:  A portly resident of Cornet village who works as a merchant.

Oswald Oglethorpe: A peer of Jebediah Quarkington.  He is murdered by Dr. Shlongenstein during a dispute over a questionable shipment of condoms.

Otto Sweetapples: A barrister of Dorshetshamshire who is killed by Shlongenstein at the same time as William Cobb.

Otis Hogg:  A resident of Cornet village.  He is a peaceful hog farmer who is slaughtered by Silus Assbag.

Ozzleforth:  A homeless midget who is enslaved by the Council of Gandalf and forced to work in their kitchen.  While there, he is routinely tortured and drugged for their amusement.  He escapes into his vivid imagination in order to cope with the ordeal.

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Legendarium of the Council
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