Exodus of the Shlongites by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
Exodus of the Shlongites
Exodus of the Shlongites
Eight thousand years ago, in the Time of Goure, the Shlongites ruled in the east. Their massive territory stretched for hundreds of miles across the coast. They were lords of their land and no travelers could pass in their country without making an appropriate sacrifice to The Meat Stick (best possible translation). These people of Goure, the Shlongites, demanded that one nut be given to The Meat Stick in exchange for free passage. Most visitors obliged and the removal process was well refined and caused little pain. In this society the shlong was ever present. Effigies to The Meat Stick were ubiquitous, some w
The Secret History.... by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
The Secret History....
The Secret History of Dr. Shlongenstein
As written in the Book of Kells by the
Archbishop of Dorshetshamshire, Logres, Wales...
Verily, dear reader, my heart is indeed heavy as i here transcribe these words. It was but two months hence since we saw the falling star in the Eastern sky. We tooketh it as a negative portent, and indeed, these same fears were realized when we first heard from across Longwater the whispered name of Frankenshlong the great, the Dark Man who now abides in Rome, and even now sends his emissaries eastward, encroaching upon our borders, and these same agents of the Shlong did assure us t
The Hunt for Shlongenstein by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
The Hunt for Shlongenstein
The Hunt for Shlongenstein
as recorded in the Yurian Gospels
by the former Archbishop of Dorshetshamshire
Verily, Reader, thou art without fail already familiarized yourself with the tale of the hated Shlongenstein, heretofore to this story whereas it dost mostly concern itself with those happenings which must logically occur after what you have previously read. After being most maliciously, and with no just cause, anally violated on not a single but indeed plural occasions by the reprehensible Charles William, formerly of Dorshetshamshire, who shall now in these texts be referred to only by the appellation of Shlongenste
Meeting of the Shlongs by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
Meeting of the Shlongs
The Meeting of the Shlongs
How Frankenshlong and Shlongenstein
the two great Nemeses, did finally meet.....
The great Barnabas Greenly Frankenshlong relaxed on the throne, content in the knowledge that all was unfolding according to his design. With the powers of the Nexian Crystal, he had established his rule over the vast Roman empire. True, the people knew that Emperor Commodus was on the throne and Frankenshlong was merely the Grand Chancellor, but they did not know that the seemingly harmless Chancellor in actuality controlled the mad Emperor by means of the Rajknars that had burrowed deep into the Emperor's
The Transfer
Frankenshlong rubbed the pulsating sack and thought back on what had just happened. Could it be? Could he have actually met another being as advanced as himself? Frankenshlong had seen the rise and fall of several civilizations. During the hundreds of mortal lifetimes he lived never had he encountered such a magnificent creature. Why did the mysterious one not reveal his true identity? Frankenshlong didnt believe that Dorfenkiet story for a minute. What an absurd name! One truth that Dorfenkiet couldnt hide was that he possessed remarkable powers.
Frankenshlong was sitting on his throne when the
A Most Uncordial Encounter by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
A Most Uncordial Encounter
A Most Uncordial Encounter
Twas a bright and bluskery mid-May morning on the boroughs and thoroughfares of Olde London Towne, where the notorious Dr. Charles William S. did chance to meet his friend and colleague, the esteemed Lord Oswald Oglethorpe. Good Morrow, Charles! Lord Oswald cried to his acquaintance, who, being rather sluggish of foot, due in no small part to a recent trowboat accident, was just now ascending the broad lane where his patient friend did wait. Said he, A good morrow it is, indeed, Lord Oswald! Have ye yet breakfasted? Ive half a good mind to ta
A Most Cordial Encounter by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
A Most Cordial Encounter
A Most Cordial Encounter
(else titled)
The Initial Escapade of Dr. Jebediah Quarkington
and Lord Cidney Plimsol
Murder most foul in Kensingborough Square!
Twenty-four dear souls of Olde London Towne have departed to their eternal fates after the shocking events that occurredeth yesterdawn's eve, in the immediate vicinities of Kensingborough Square, where Bridge and Cockney Avenues converge. There, an as-of-yet unexplainable melee apparently broke out sometime 'twixt morning tea and four bells. The twenty-f
Lord Brackish Oddberry by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
Lord Brackish Oddberry
The Prison Journal of Lord Brackish Oddberry
wednes. oct. 24
I didn't kill that fellow. That's preposterous. I was merely helping him put his dagger away, and happened to have missed by a few inches. Daggers are dangerous objects and shouldn't just be left outside of a warm body to rust and rot. How objectionable. Now they have stuck me in this dank cell, completely stripped of my possessions, save this paper, the inkwell, and a small metal cylinder that i hid clenched within my taint when they inspected me. I shall make the best of them that i can.
thurs. oct 15
If i hav
Nexus of Cordiality I by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
Nexus of Cordiality I
Nexus of Cordiality
The Subsequent Escapades of Jebediah Quarkington and Cidney Plimsol
10.29.2010 : 1.22.2011
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I.
Cidney Plimsol fussed with his waistcoat, gnawed on his lower lip, and tried to ignore the insistent grousing of his empty belly. After spending the entire morn and the better part of the aftermorn sequestered in the vast halls of the Royal Order, he yearned for victuals. He was seated in a tidy parlor, recounting for perhaps the fourth time the entirety of his testimony concerning his acquaintance with the mysterious and now ominous Dr. Selrahc Mailliw Gnolhs. His greybearded interviewer
Nexus of Cordiality II by CouncilofGandalf, literature
Literature
Nexus of Cordiality II
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VII.
What next shall i say? What happened then to the estimable Quarkington and his young charge Plimsol is a matter of some debate, many of the details being lost to the shifting tides of history. For many weeks they fought to remain alive on the open sea, sustaining themselves on rainwater and raw sea-meats before being washed ashore on the beaches of Calais. In a state of starvation and delirium, it is said that they were captured by an itinerant troupe of mercenaries and indentured into servitude in exchange for sustenance. Under Quarkington's direction they adopted false names, and st