Project: GILBROD Part XVII: Stegboh Rising "The best way to understand anything is to eat it." -- Ancient Samoan proverb . . "And that's how I became lead detective on the homicidal farter case. Boom, just like that. I didn't have any time to celebrate and soak it in. We had too much work to do, and it was only a matter of time before the farter would strike again." . . There's tension in the air. I can feel it. Everyone can feel it. They're all waiting for me, waiting for me to say something. Only I can bring it, everybody knows that... ...okay! No more delays. I clear my throat and say in my strongest voice... "Well, well, well! It looks like the TAMPON BAY BUCKING QUEERS are gonna be facing the MAN'S-ASS SHITTY QUEEFS in the Superbowl! How about that?!" ...yes. Every head in the room swivels, all eyes are on me. Everyone loves the office comedian. We bring joy to our fellow workers, we brighten the otherwise dull day. They are all so happy that I am here. No one

Project Gilbrod XVI: The Haktarian Archives by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Project Gilbrod XVI: The Haktarian Archives

Project: GILBROD Part XVI: The Haktarian Archives -- "When you look at Trump, your brain is like, "What even IS this organism that I'm looking at? I know it's supposed to be human, but are we sure?" . . You know, they say that when Eric Trump was a child, his only dream was to catch a falling star so that he could give it to his mother. I think that explains a lot about the man he's become. Eric Trump... ...he seems a proper freakshow. I get Don Trump Jr., like when I watch him, I understand exactly how smart (dumb) he is, and see through his transparent efforts. Eric though, what does that dude even do? I know he's involved in shady business activities for his father's companies, but also is he the mutant freak that a normal family would have locked in an attic or basement, or perhaps left deep in the woods as a baby? Is Eric Trump given imaginary, or low-priority responsibilities because he only has ¾ of a normal man's brain-meat? (Look at the many large, disgusting

Cybertronic Interlocution IV: The Core Hermit by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Cybertronic Interlocution IV: The Core Hermit

. . Goddamnit, where the hell are the 24-hour barber shops in this God-forsaken city?! Hell, I've even seen a wig shop once! What happened to those quaint days when women wore hats, etc., etc., at their jobs? This is a game that is dependent on a certain section of society to get absolutely everything right — they are NOT working to make video games because they love games or just want to play games. They are busy living in their own insular bubble, defending their world view, not hearing what the gaming community is saying, and is completely willing to use those who disagree with them as "human shields" or threats. If we have one of those "excuse me guys, what's with the homophobia" emails when somebody throws down a hot game night at the local barbershop, no progress is imminent. Have you checked the black neighborhoods, where barbershop culture is aware and rampant? For example, I had the following discussion with a hair stylist: "If we had all the money and all the time in the

Project Gilbrod XV: Yogurt Cosmos by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Project Gilbrod XV: Yogurt Cosmos

Project: GILBROD Part XV: Yogurt Cosmos "Welcome, traveler, to Yogurt Cosmos. -- January 15th, 2020, 8:10 AM . . The jagged insectoidal spines erupted from Brooke Shields's ribcage, dripping with sizzling poison. The model and actress shrieked with delight as her back's flesh was torn loose like a strip of carpet left to hang, revealing the brownish carapace that encased her pulsating vertebrae. . . "And now, my most inquisitive and patient dear ladies and gentlemen here assembled, we present to you, the world's worst necromancer: Johnny Chrone!" The crowd exploded with such a noise, a gleeful roar of absolute adoration and approval, it was unlike anything I'd ever heard before, and I couldn't imagine why anyone would be so excited about the worst necromancer. If he was more successful, then perhaps I could understand the elation of the crowd. I was dumbfounded, and my bewilderment suddenly melted into dread when I saw the necromancer walk out onto the stage. . . "I see you

Cybertronic Interlocution III: Rat of Guilt by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Cybertronic Interlocution III: Rat of Guilt

. . These days, many parents are choosing to raise their children inside large, Wifi-enabled terrariums. During summer, they use Amazon's Echo speakers for callers, users can access their own music library from an app and apps can also control their lights and lighting from afar. If you have a younger child, you might consider putting the entertainment center in the corner next to the sofa for your little one to enjoy. Even so, many of the same parents who can't be trusted to take a toilet break might now be suspect of any night-time communications. What's the downside? For one thing, unless you've got some concrete proof that there's bee

Project Gilbrod XIV: Within the Bubble We Lie by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Project Gilbrod XIV: Within the Bubble We Lie

Part XIV: Within the Bubble We Lie "New phone test. Shmegdalia. Darp Shmelkus? This new phone is swanky. Skrenckahll, within the bubble we lie, all for the glory of the Renchshaute!" -- July 31st, 2019 11:57PM . . He was among the first Fecologists to adopt the Splatter Index, a scale that determines splatter probability by analyzing three key variables; pressure level, gas ratio, and water amount. For a highly accurate computer model, the anal topography must also be mapped. . . "Hey, at the family reunion, do you think that your great-uncle Octothorpe will be there? You once told me that he became a bit of a black sheep after his mar

Cybertronic Interlocution II: Sack of Seeds by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Cybertronic Interlocution II: Sack of Seeds

. . Did you ever see that show where Vincent Price ate the worms from out of his asshole that he'd been growing in his rectum for months? Well, that was real. He used them as food. What's more, it was a creature with an infectious insanity about it. I thought that maybe the worm thing might work for you? Do you get fed when you're eating worms, or when you're in a wormhole? Do you get disoriented? Do you get brain damaged? I don't know. Maybe you just wish you were in a wormhole. . . Donald Trump's putrid flesh was gruesomely burned by the ferocious conflagration. The image has been steadily making its way around the internet for the past

Cybertronic Interlocution I: First King of Akkara by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

Cybertronic Interlocution I: First King of Akkara

. . Chad Roberts was a large man with a big appetite. Chad also liked to fuck a lot of whores. He would let them come over and he would suck and fuck each of them like it was his first time. Chad was not a man to be taken lightly. His balls were like bowling balls and the way he would get his balls sucked sounded like a shotgun blast. He loved the taste of a whore. His cock was massive and when he let it get wet he could feel his balls twitching. When he was getting his balls sucked he would say to them, "You want to be fucked?" he would put his hands down and he would fuck them with his cock until they were sore. He had many of the

1987 by CouncilofGandalf, literature

Literature

1987

. . You open your mouth words come out but no one heard the shit you just said it hangs there, in the air, dead and inert like a turd in your bed. You answer the phone, but no one is home and so naked and alone, you just lie there and moan. . . Okay, it's like we had the '80s the first time, from 1980 to 1989 and it was all very fine but it only happened once and that wasn't enough so they brought back Rambo, Rocky, and Donald Trump, They brought back saxophones and analog synths, they brought back Russia and the Goodyear Blimp there's a new Voltron on your Netflix watchlist with a new Dark Crystal and a new Top Gun and

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