Situation Most Intractable

Gleonard wasn't sure what the alien would make of his apartment. Quaa-Kyuu may have been “hyperintelligent” but he was still getting used to the many odd customs and unknown objects here on Earth.  After the debacle at Starbucks earlier that day, Gleonard wasn't going to make assumptions about anything.

"Umm, so, yes, this is where I live," he told Quaa-Kyuu, guiding him around the small but fairly tidy space.  

"Assigned... quarters.  Designated vectors.  I comprehend," the extraterrestrial visitor intoned in his flat and mechanical voice.

Gleonard showed him the refrigerator (thermal containment unit), his entertainment center (primitive image feed relayer), and his waterbed (fluid-based regeneration chamber).  Quaa-Kyuu seemed to take it all in fairly well.  He then stiffly shuffled over to Gleonard's expansive bookshelves, which were packed with hundreds of fantasy and science fiction novels.  Quaa-Kyuu cocked his head to the side and examined the foreign symbols on the spines, which displayed titles like "Dragonlance, Weis & Hickman," "A Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin," and "A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. LeGuin."  Gleonard knew that Quaa-Kyuu was recording and analyzing each word, but wasn't sure if the alien really understood what he was looking at.

“We call them ‘books,’ Quaa-Kyuu,” Gleonard said helpfully.

“Booooks?”

“Yeah, you know, stories.  Literature.  Now, some might not call this the highest of literature," Gleonard laughed and shrugged in a self-effacing manner, "but it's kind of my thing.  Ever since I was a kid, I was hooked on this stuff -- elves and dragons, knights and wizards, that sort of stuff..."

"Nights and wiz-zards, I comprehend," Quaa-Kyuu stated.  

"All of my friends, too.  Bill and Jerry and Liz, we're all huge geeks and can't get enough of this stuff.  Although, it's kind of sad, most of my friends just play online these days, which sucks if you ask me," Gleonard continued, frowning, "because that stuff gets boring.  I haven’t played World of Warcraft in, like, two years if you can believe that.  It just became a grind to me.  Lacking in, I guess, mythic power?  There's really nothing like losing oneself in a classic story and using your imagination, you know?"

"I comprehend."

"Ah, here's the one that started it all for me," Gleonard said warmly, thumbing through a well-worn copy of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, "I'll never forget when I picked this one up in fifth grade... it was in the library of Johnson Elementary School... approximately 9:34 AM... August 14th, 1986..."

Gleonard's face looked exceptionally alive as the memories washed over him, so suddenly vivid.  A large vein in his pale forehead began to throb noticeably.

"...I remember seeing the painting on the cover, and when I looked inside, well..."

He paused and tilted his head to the side and his pupils dilated, the thoughts coming more rapidly now.  Beads of sweat began to leak from his clogged pores as he spoke.

"...I was blown away at the power of... the narrative... and... my gosh, it's remarkable when I really think about it.  The ingenuity of this system of communication, the printed word.  Mere physical marks made of dark liquid applied to a lighter flat surface composed of processed wooden pulp, and bound in a sheaf of certain dimensions.  Derived from, but much more efficient than earlier pictographic languages!  The vast amount of information, meaning, and emotion that is conveyed by only 26 letters, ten numbers, and approximately 21 punctuation marks!  It’s incredible!  The deepest thoughts and most complex symbolic systems, arising from the organization of such simplistic elements!  And it is utterly arbitrary in nature, these letters based on vocal memes, with each language emphasizing certain vocal derivatives and omitting others... but to a person familiar with the language, the interplay between the physical forms and the abstracts they symbolize becomes instinctual, seamless, full of infinite shades of meaning, implication, and artistry!  How effortless the mind translates the crude matter!  Why?  Why is it that only now I can appreciate the brilliance of this system while being utterly bemused at the limitations of it?  Something I've always taken utterly for granted now seems incredibly strange and utterly majestic.  If...”

He prattled on and on, nearly forgetting the presence of the alien still standing not three feet from him.  

Quaa-Kyuu regarded the human with increasing alarm.  

I must apologize to you, indigenous lifeform, he thought to himself.  I knew that if I left the wreckage of my craft without a proper containment shell, my prions could very well osmose into the atmosphere and begin to assimilate any lower flesh that they came in contact with.  And yet I accepted your help as so concerned I was to survive for the sake of my own goals.  Morally, I can justify my actions as being logical and ultimately necessary, but still they cause me sorrow...

Soon, Quaa-Kyuu knew that the human Gleonard Nymowicz would begin to undergo hideous physical changes as his inferior DNA was altered in unimaginable ways.  His increased intelligence would give him a few brief hours of wonder before his mind collapsed into unfathomable insanity.  It was a situation most intractable.

Quaa-Kyuu took his leave, shuffling out the door and placing a 12-cycle force field around the human's living quarters.  That should be enough.  Gleonard didn't even notice his exit, as he was on his hands and knees in front of his open refrigerator, his eyes racing over the biological material within, and laughing in glee at how miraculous it all now seemed.  He was screeching happily about organic compounds, digestive tracts, and base nutrients.  Quaa-Kyuu tried his best to ignore the sound.

When the force field dissipated, someone would enter the dwelling to see what had become of him.  Quaa-Kyuu's journey continued such as it had for thousands of cycles.  There was much left for him to do.